


Yes

by hunters_retreat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s05e04 The End, Future Dean Winchester, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-02
Updated: 2009-10-02
Packaged: 2018-05-05 05:58:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5364005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunters_retreat/pseuds/hunters_retreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He always wondered what the devil did to make Sam say yes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yes

 

  
It made it all worse, somehow, which was pretty amazing considering just how fucking bad everything was already.  It made it worse to see himself with determination and passion and the belief that he could still make it all right if he just did the right things.  He’d made mistakes though, made them by the truck load and there was no way to fix it.  Even after getting the Colt, after having to shoot one of his best soldiers because of the infection, even knowing he’d just sacrificed Risa and Castiel to get to Lucifer, he wasn’t sure he could pull the trigger anymore than his past self could.

He didn’t let anyone else see it though, the conflict that warred within him.  He couldn’t.  They trusted him, needed him to see this thing through.  He’d caused the damn apocalypse, he had to end it.  The angels had always said it was his destiny.  He believed it now.  It had been his bloody hand that had spilled the blood in hell, breaking the first seal.  He’d driven Sam away and failed to stop him when he realized that killing Lilith was the last seal.  He’d driven Sam even further away and left him alone.  He didn’t know then, but he knew now what he’d left Sam to.  Bobby explained it after it was too late.  Sam, alone in a world full of hunters who had learned his secret.  Sam, who had to fight every day to stay a step ahead of them and the demon blood they tried to force on him.  Sam, with the guilt that they were killing because of him, trying to force a destiny on him that he’d never wanted.  Sam, who’d begged his big brother to take him back and he’d refused.  The devil didn’t make Sam say yes.  Dean did, by saying no. 

And even then, he couldn’t accept his own fate, couldn’t accept that to stop Lucifer he needed to become Michael.  At least not until it was too late.  They must have known, somehow, that Dean would never be able to kill Sam.  He wondered what John would have done.  Would he have killed the devil, wearing his son’s face?  There was no way to know.  He’d always thought Sam had it in him, but when he’d had the Yellow Eyed Demon in his sites, he’d let their father live instead.  Sam would understand his hesitation, even if no one else did.

“Hello Dean.”

Dean didn’t turn to look at the figure behind him.  He knew it was a trick, just another game they played against him, but he couldn’t help but take comfort from the illusion.  He used to fight it, but it never lasted long. 

“I didn’t expect to find you so close.  I thought last night’s game would have had you running for cover with whatever you found.”

He still didn’t answer, didn’t turn to face the other man as much as he wanted to.  It was his own brand of torture, not letting himself look when he wanted, letting himself be drawn back into this by hands that knew him far better than they should.  Letting himself take this over and over again as it damned his soul each time.

He felt the body press against his back and he arched into it against his will.  His body had always been treacherous, always pulling towards something he couldn’t have, always giving away the needs that he tried to keep hidden.

“Did you miss me big brother?” 

“Don’t call me that.”

“Why?  It’s still me Dean.”  The devil whispered in his ear.  “You know the angels lie, they always have.  It’s me Dean.  I’m still here.  You know I am.”

He felt hands pulling him closer, pulling him around until he was staring up at Sam’s face.  “Yeah Sammy.”  His voice was wrecked, but it always was when this happened.  “I know you are.” 

Even as Sam’s lips crashed against his own, he felt tears forming in his eyes.  He wasn’t.  Sam wasn’t there and hadn’t been since he’d said yes all those years ago. 

“Please Dean…”

He couldn’t stop the words falling from his lips anymore than Sam had been able to.  “Yes.”

He always wondered what the devil did to make Sam say yes.  He wondered what guise he showed himself as to tempt him.  His heart stopped suddenly with revelation and he looked up, seeing confirmation of his fear.

“Yes.”  The devil smiled as he whispered into his ear, “He said yes to you."

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know. I assumed if I wrote something about last night's show it would be all Dean/Dean or maybe Dean/Sam/Dean, or maybe Dean/Sam/Dean/Castiel (OMG! My brain fries from the hot of that thought) but no. this came out instead. I'm disappointed in my lack of porn with Dean/Dean on screen.. but perhaps more will come later :P Tee hee hee


End file.
